2014.

Firstly, HAPPPYYYY NEWWWW YEAARRRRRR

Secondly, this is an old image. The tattoo turned 2 years old yesterday. I love it just as much as I loved it 3 years back when I decided it. It means a lot to me. I wanted it on my body so as to remind me everyday that I am fearless. At no point should I lose faith in myself. But as a matter of fact, I did forget that. I don’t remember how long it has been since I had and it's sad how I didn’t even realise it. Today, when I told a friend as to how I am not confident with my writing, I was asked, “You are fearless, aren’t you?” I’m very thankful to him for reminding me about it.

Also, I don’t know why I had been dreading (just to some extent) staying at home for new years eve and watching a movie, eating pizza and sipping coke. It was really fun since I was so engrossed in the movie and my good friend was watching it too (at his place)! Also, when midnight struck, I had got a call from my loved one and everyone at home also came and wished me. Everyone close to me was there to wish me, whether physically present or virtually. So I had no reason to be sad. Also pizza can never make anyone sad (unless it shows on your bum and then it will make you sad cuz you know you shouldn’t eat it if you don’t want it to show). 

2013 opened a lot of opportunities for me and I will work towards getting them multiplied this year. It’s going to be a brilliant year. I made new close friends and watched a lot of amazing movies though I couldn’t read as many book as i wanted. So resolutions for 2014 come in the picture. It’s become a cliche thing to make resolutions. I don’t really get the concept of waiting for a new year to start afresh. You can start afresh any day. But since I love cliches, I did write down a list of resolutions too. [I will be the happiest person alive next new years eve if I follow them through!]

For an amazing start to 2014, an amazing quote by my favourite singer (can’t just not show off the person who inspired you in so many ways):

”To me, Fearless is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.” 

~ Taylor Swift

The dreams that won't die.

It's Sunday morning and I get up at 9. I can sleep more, I think to myself. But since I'm so addicted to my social networking sites, I check the notifications first. My instagram opens up to a picture clicked in London. Another one is a picture clicked in NYC. I close my instagram. My mind begins to wander to all these places. Thoughts of regret creep in (yet again). Regretting that I procrastinate so much. I feel angry with myself. I want to get out of here so bad. I am screaming inside. My chaotic head can no longer fall asleep.
What am I doing? It's Sunday morning and I can still sleep more. But this reoccurring urge, this reoccurring dream won't go away. And then I realize. I've always wanted to know how it feels to have a dream which won't let you sleep. I think I've found mine. Just then, my tear-ducts start to overflow. I can't stop crying. I wonder if they are happy tears or sad tears. Happy about the realization or sad that I'm still here. Either ways, I know it's time to get up. Cuz I have a dream that won't let me sleep. Don't you?

#22

Hello :] So how was your thursday? If it wasn't good, don't worry, it's friday! And Friday's are awesome. 

So today I was tumblring and I came across a picture where someone had written all the things they are good at doing. And I was like, hey! I want to write all the stuff I'm good at too. 

(p.s - sorry for the terrible, terrible image quality. My dslr battery isn't charged so clicked it on my mobile. )

And so I started writing down the list. I've realized that I'm the kind of person who keeps discounting my good points. If someone didn't like something I did, like example my singing, I would ponder upon it quite a lot... and it's really unnecessary. Your good can never be good enough for everyone you meet. But it should be good enough for you. It should make you happy! Ofcourse you should keep making progress, take your 'good' to a higher level. But you do it at your own pace. Not because you want to prove it to someone that you can be better. This just reminded me of that scene from 'The Perks of being a Wallflower" where Patrik shouts out "I'M BELOW AVERAGE!!" and he's so happy when he says that. I love that scene. You should write a list too, it really makes you feel better about yourself. :]

Another thing that I thought was interesting is about the song I told you about yesterday, Vienna by Billy Joel. I was listening to it a lot and I wondered why he has used the reference of Vienna. And his inspiration turns out to be really interesting. Here's what he says:

"So I go to visit my father in Vienna, I'm walking around this town and I see this old lady. She must have been about 90 years old and she is sweeping the street. I say to my father "What's this nice old lady doing sweeping the street?" He says "She's got a job, she feels useful, she's happy, she's making the street clean, she's not put out to pasture". We treat old people in this country pretty badly. We put them in rest homes, we kinda kick them under the rug and make believe they don't exist. They [the people in Vienna] don't feel like that. In a lot of these older places in the world, they value their older people and their older people feel they can still be a part of the community and I thought 'This is a terrific idea - that old people are useful -and that means I don't have to worry so much about getting old because I can still have a use in this world in my old age. I thought "Vienna waits for you..." 

You should read the rest of it too! Here. :)

I'm sleepy now so nighty night! I have an amazing lunch to look forward to with two amazing people I know (they are in the picture below). :) I hope you enjoy your Friday just as much!

#21

Hello :] I didn't think I would make a post today but it's 1am-ish at night and I don't really feel sleepy and I just watched a movie, 'Easy A' and watched a few episodes of New Girl so I really don't want to watch any more stuff... nor can I call anyone cuz my little sister is sleeping in the same room and I don't want to wake her up. And after a long long time, all I wanted to do was write. Again, I don't know what I want to write but I'm just going with the flow. :)

I'm literally typing with shaky hands right. It's a bit of a weird mood. The kind of moment when I felt like deactivating my facebook account (done that a dozen times) just cuz I felt like. I know it's kind of selfish, all my stalkers are going to miss me. But hey! I'm here too. ;) haha sorry, I'm bad at cracking jokes.

Yesterday, I was feeling terribly scared. And I know you think I should be fearless cuz I'm the girl with the fearless tattoo, but guess what, being fearless isn't what you think. I love Taylor Swift and I really love her concept of fearless. Here it goes:  

"To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death."

And I believe all of that. But I got off the topic. Sorry. So I was saying, I was scared. About my future. I was scared, wondering if I will get a good job. I was scared cuz I'm not sure the people at my job are going to be nice. I was scared about growing old. Actually I am all the time. I was scared about not having my dream body, or dream house, or whatever I've dreamt of. I was scared of people I love and care about, dying. Damn, how I wish they never die. I was scared about not being able to go globe trotting. I was scared not being able to inspire many many people. Not being good enough. Not being able to close my eyes without seeing my subway surf character not bumping into subways. (I did overcome that fear tho). There are so so many things I was scared of. If you think of it, it's always in the back of my head. No matter how many quotes I read and try to be optimistic and happy there are always going to be such moments when I'm going to be scared and doubt everything. I really hope I'm not the only one with such moments. In a way it's good maybe, these moments are like reality checks. And for a while you can be scared and cry about it but soon you have to make a choice... whether you want to stay in your own cocoon or get out and be the beautiful butterfly you were born to be. No matter how many such moments I go through, I always let go of the negative thoughts. And I'm really proud of myself. 

There are too many things I want in life and too many things I want to do... but as Billy Joel rightfully says, "You can't be everything you want to be before your time." I always listen to this song when I feel this way. It's a beautiful song and never fails to make me feel better. You should listen to it, here. :)

And I feel so much better after writing this! Goodnight everyone and have a nice Thursdayyy. :]

#20

Hello :] The last post I made was almost 6 months back. I'm a terrible blogger! :'[

I started this blog so that I could start writing and be more confident about it. But that hasn't been happening. And that's allllll my fault. I kept thinking "I can't write.", "I don't know what I should write about.", "I don't know how to start." I kept looking for inspiration (that goes for my photography too), and that would help for some time and then I would feel uninspired again. And the process continued. 

A few friends asked me about why I wouldn't post on my blog. It sure was embarrassing to give a reply. But it also felt nice when they told me they liked reading it so I should post something (a big thank you for each one who told me that). So today, I googled, "Where do I find inspiration?" and I opened a few links that followed. And I'm glad I did that because one of those links made me finally write this post! If you have been looking for inspiration like I was and didn't find it anywhere, this is for you too. I'm sure it will help. :]

In brief, I will tell you what happened in my life in the last six months! 

• College was realllyyy fun last semester, and it ended well too. :D 
• Also, I gave my FYBA exams and the results came out last week and I  was so happy with them. :') 
• I clicked a lot of pictures. 
• I finished watching all 10 seasons of friends. :(:
•  Quasar happened too!
•  I made new friends. :)
•  Oh and I have been a bad penpal too. :( But  I will post some letters soon. :D
• Also, I'm waiting for my 50mm lens to come (finally). :') 
• I got a lot of new books too (I will share a photo).
• And I had an amazingggggg b'day. Thank you for everyone who made it special. :')
• We left our hostel to go to a new one. :(
• I watched some reallyyy good movies too. :D
• Oh and I got a macbook pro (*_*) and a new mobile too. :D

There's more but this is what I could remember atm. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I thank all my 1am friends who helped me with it. Hehe. Almost 2 more weeks of vacation left, excited for 5th semester to start but as usual, I will miss home. So much. 

But I have some really good movies to watch and more books to read till then. :) 

And here are some pictures I clicked in the last 6 months:

An edit of one of my favourite picture.

A happy photo of my happy parents. 

The arrival of monsoon!

B'day gift from the bestie. 

A simple edit of the telescope. (How I wish to see a sky filled with a zillion stars!)

Another gift used in a product photography session in college.

The new books I had mentioned I got. :D

"I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me." 

~ Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close 

#19

- John Green

From the book I'm presently reading, The fault in our stars. It was a Christmas gift from a friend. :]

(p.s- I'm in love with the book!)

Happy 2013. :]